Secretions Magnifiques

I got this as a free sample after light-heartedly requesting scents that would make me smell like “dark and mysterious vampire”. Think of the worst odor that could emit from a diseased or rotting body, and times that by one hundred those are the smells I encounter daily working at a hospital. Yet I have never gagged or vomited once at work. Then I opened this bottle. Gag (not in the “slay” way, I fear). This may be the most biblically accurate fragrance for a vampire because it smells like vampiric ancient rotting anus. Props to the team for accurate sampling. The smell of death I’ve encountered is basically Chanel No.5 compared to this. God rest ye merry gentlemen who encounter this fragrance or any god-forsaken samples.

I have never had such a visceral reaction smelling a perfume. I felt disturbed almost as if I was wearing a deceased person? There is no way to describe it. It was cold, harsh, and vile. It sent shivers down my spine and I, no joke, gagged while smelling it. I did not keep it on and had to immediately scrub it off, so I am unsure of the wear down. It evokes emotion for sure, but left me ultimately uncomfortable and extremely unsettled. With all that being said, there is definitely an audience for this scent. I can see other people loving this polarizing scent and enjoying such a jarring indescribable fragrance. Love that for them but was a no for me.

I expected this to evoke a lot of unmentionable smells associated with warm, sweaty, writhing bodies. But disappointingly, it just smells... cold? It's harsh, chemical, and detached. Like the wet metal of an abandoned swing set. But the coconut note came across as aggressively citrus to me, somehow. This mixed with a bleachy disinfectant smell and led me to picture two scientists in latex gloves having tangerines for lunch... before they cleaned up the formaldehyde-soaked pig hearts they were dissecting at their work stations. I'll have to sit with this one and give it another try. I want to hate it, and I do think it might warrant the invention of a sixth stage of grief, but I'm going to keep thinking about it.

It's neither as beautiful nor as ugly as many here are saying. For me (and I know that scents smell differently depending on body chemistry) I get a HUGE blast of salty, muddy, body smell at first. Then for maybe 25 minutes that flat, muddy odor then suddenly I get an incredibly powerful iris, amped up, almost chemical baby powder smell. If you're willing to take that journey, this is the parfume for you. If you don't want to take that trip, go for something else. I don't judge.

This is the worst smelling perfume I've ever tried. Not in a bad way that it smells like feces or trash or anything that smells bad, really. When I tried it, it reminded me of blood and bodily secretions in the worst way but not like BO or sexual secretions or anything like that either. It kinda feels like when your lip is bleeding and you taste the blood in your mouth, like that metallic taste that you get from that..? It's hard to describe but yeah, not for me at all. I didn't want to use perfume for a whole week after this. I didn't want to smell anything at all, if I'm being really honest.

I believe that this is gross to many people because a lot of them say so, and I believe that this is sexy to other people because a lot of them say so. But on me it had a vaguely milky, vaguely sweet and slightly bleachy scent that reminded me of nothing so much as the hand soap we started using in the hospital where I work after COVID became a thing. It's not horrible, it's not pretty, it's just a whole lot of vaguely clinical nothing? Then again my skin turns 75% of all BPAL oils into baby powder, so I don't have any idea, maybe it's just I'm weird.

Your-skin-but-better, and a strong contender for my next FB. This was a friend's signature scent in late 2016 so I knew what I was getting into. I would not have ordered a sample if I hadn't. On me in 2021, it leans toward the softer childlike end. Off the top, it's metallic, which I guess is what the lode and blood is about. Not like a jar of coins metallic, but a clean metallic, like really nice silverware. The heart is mainly aquatic saltiness. I started picking up on the "childlike" thing on drydown. It doesn't smell like baby powder, but maybe a very expensive fragrance for babies, if that's a thing. Personally I think this is a true unisex, because it really doesn't smell like any fragrance I have strong gendered associations with.

Finally tried it. It's a bad and nauseatingly artificial fragrance. It doesn't deserve the overly bad, or overly good reviews I've seen everywhere. Is it a tongue in cheek creation for talking about and not wearing, a marketing ploy that worked too well and everyone fell for it, a critique of consumerism, is it a masterpiece, or something I wouldn't care about if seemingly everyone didn't already have an opinion of it, except for me? I wish whoever created this, would hold onto concept, come back to the lab with better ingredients, and try again. I agree with giving unsafe and dangerous a chance, but this is bad and smells nothing like description.

I love this. I really don't get how people find this gross. I really think people are basing their review on the described notes rather than the actual smell. It's definitely has a raunchiness to it, but in the best way possible. I could randomly grab perfumes out of my collection and find several that smell much less safe that haven't received the criticism this one has. Perfume shouldn't be safe, it should be dangerous and sexual. If you want to smell good for your church or at the grocery store in the suburbs, this isn't for you. If you're looking to give head at the club, then try Secretions.

This has become my comfort scent.. it smells like privacy? It's so taboo to smell unwashed, with this perfume you can have your shower but smell your wrist in the middle of your busy shift and it takes you back to when you were lying in bed free bleeding and watching adult content. It pairs great with a very crisp clean appearance, otherwise people will think the scent is your own.

Extremely vile. Cold and painful sex with a bloodied corpse. I had to put it in the quarantine zone. Worth trying!

IMHO, this is the vilest, most repellent scent imaginable - brings to mind an ejaculating, bloody corpse. Creative and unique, yes, hence the two stars. But I think the world would have been a better place without it.

I was expecting something horrible and just intolerable, but it really more slightly off putting. Anything with a 'milk' note tends to like old yogurt, curdled milk awful and this is no exception. It opens with a heavy ripe fruit and sweet cream in a landfill kind of smell, then transitions into a dead ringer for the metallic smell of a raw pig's heart plus a little coconut. It stays like that for a bit. Nauseating but also intoxicating. It settles into a little of that and a fishy aquatic.

This one really does live up to its reputation -- ENORMOUS blood-rust-metallic accord up top running interference between you and a delicious floral-milky situation at the heart of things. You'll (eventually) climb off the rollercoaster laughing from sheer exhilaration and/or terror. But will you brave this particular amusement park again? One can definitely respect the engineering without wanting to repeat the experience -- but everyone should buy a ticket at least once. Epic weirdness.

On me, the opening note smells like the detergent that comes out of a bottle for blowing bubbles. This is followed closely by wet dog. In five minutes nothing changes, and I have to scrub it off. It repulses me. I have tried this twice, and this was the result each time. I have no idea what the heart or base might smell like. I don't want to know.

I tried with this one, really I did. I had smelled a bottle of it in Amsterdam and had wondered what all the fuss was about. Smelled fine to me. Even my husband thought it was pleasant! Then I got it and-wow. No scent has ever been this repulsive to me. It's wet dog, it's blood and gore, it's cold water on hot metal. I cannot wear this at all.

I sampled this at their store in Paris and had trouble with the harsh metallic note that seemed to sit directly on the roof of my mouth and then stay there for the next half hour. My boyfriend was excited by it because his nose seemed able to sort the different notes out and make sense of them as "a harsh but harmless funk" that would sit well with his own body odor. I am ultimately disappointed because I actually love certain hard to describe smells of a sexual nature. But this perfume is more like an artist's rendering of sex in metal and found objects and it's ultimately void of the organic material laden with tiny bacteria that actually produce the unique odors of a living human body. The nice man at the ELDO store told us that this was intended to be a concept fragrance, but it does have it's own loyal group of die-hard fans. I have to wonder how much the power of suggestion plays into some people buying bottle after bottle of this one.

Wow. Given all of the hysteria over this fragrance, I was mightily disappointed with my trial. I was not angry, or offended, or nauseated in the least. I am well familiar with the aroma of blood, and of semen, and of sweat and breast milk and vaginas... and I really detected little of these things here (certainly not in the punched-in-the-nose way that I was expecting given other reviews). I clearly smell the iris and coconut, and these inclined me to think that this is more of a feminine fragrance than unisex. There is also a pronounced salty note, and something vaguely metallic that made my think of nothing so much as a hospital gurney that had been deodorized with some sort of disinfectant. Secretions Magnifiques is, to my nose, not an appealing fragrance... there's definitely something deliberately unpleasant about it, so to that extent, the noses at ELdO have succeeded in making me unhappy. I wouldn't wear this, and I wouldn't want anyone I hang around to wear this, but not because it's confrontational in its evocation of sex and birth and death. No, I dislike it because it smells off somehow. I don't mind "edgy" fragrances (among my regulars are ELdO's Fat Electrician and EdI's Sienne l'Hiver, which are both charming oddballs)... but I will go for "edgy-pleasant" while eschewing "edgy-ugly." Secretions Magnifiques would fail as a new Lysol flavor... it fails stunningly as a fragrance to put on humans. I'm giving it two stars instead of one, because I admire ELdO's courage in their willingness to try to market something that simply smells badly.

Hardly vomit-inducing. Possesses a subtle sweetness from well-blended milk, coconut, and ripe-melon calone notes. Vaguely aquatic, with perhaps the faintest suggestion of fresh-caught fish. Could almost pass for a dryer sheet if it weren't for a short-lived, photorealistic rust metal note that appears before the drydown. Not exactly sexy unless you find run-down laundromats arousing. Interesting and not altogether unpleasant, but I'm left scratching my head as to when or where this should be worn.

I first tried this scent several years ago and absolutely hated it. I wanted to love it. I wanted to love it so bad but there was a saltiness that I just couldn't get past. Flash forward 3 years and I get a sample with the Santal No. 33 I ordered. I decide to give it another try and find it, or I, have been reborn. I don't know whether my chemistry changed or my nose has evolved but I absolutely adore this scent. It can still be a little..erm.."salty" right after application but within minutes it turns into a milky, slightly powdery, "I had sex right before I left my house" smell. My favorite way to wear it is to layer it with other perfumes. It brings this delicious edge to anything you put it with making spicy orientals down-right "Eyes Wide Shut" obscene and subverting the most saccharine scent into a school girl (of legal age!) with LaPerla under her uniform. You owe it to yourself to at least try a sample because, in those rare cases where it works, it really REALLY works.